well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
