at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
