Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
