I CAN MOONWALK!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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