I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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