I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
