sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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