my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
