i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
