I faked an abortion last night.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm bleeding and have questions
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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