They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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