Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize