I just made out with a guy for $7.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
