Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
