so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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