Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
