I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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