Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
