so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
