Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever