I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?