OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
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Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.