my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she told me i tasted like america
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day