He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The Olympian is in my bed
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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