mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
