God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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