All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
