my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
