My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
