She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
