I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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