i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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