I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
