Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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