Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
4 words: hood of his car
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
