I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
