that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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