sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she peed on how many people?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
