The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
a search helicopter?!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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