he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
