oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
