we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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