Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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