Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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