did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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