stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Your penis caused this!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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