I met the friendliest cop last night
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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