bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
