He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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