I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Houston, we have a blender
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
