I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
