Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish you could order shots online.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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