Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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