sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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