That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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