you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
