i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
