There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
