I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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