i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
