my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
